Shit Ya Pants?

I am not cut out for this shit. Literally shit. Pant loads of the stuff.

I knew the success of potty training week was too good to be true too. We had about 10 days of excellent work. Then, at his nana's house this weekend, Felix managed to do not one poo in his pants, but four. Yes. FOUR poos in the space of five hours. Not one of them on a toilet or potty.

I thought maybe this would be a one off. Different location, lack of attention from mummy (I was cooking, not in any way relaxing or taking time off - I wish), maybe it was because there was so much going on. But it was not a one-off.

Yesterday, whilst my outspoken grandmother was visiting (more on that another time)...

Hold on, I have to pause writing, as he's now sitting on his potty doing a poo. WAHOO, YEAH!

... where was I? Ah yes, yesterday. He spent the day 'trying' to poo. That meant, standing still, clothes on, pushing. I could see he was trying so kept asking him and requesting he sit on the potty. He kept objecting to sitting on the potty. I must have taken him to the toilet 3 times during lunch alone. Well the long and short of it is, we achieved another FOUR dirty pairs of pants (not full on poos, but enough of a mess to warrant clean pants). We also had an overturned potty during lunch. What a way to treat our visitors.

On the plus side, he DID finally produce something rather spectacular on the potty at the end of the day.

Today... the exact same process. With a wet pair of pants, trousers and socks to add to the four dirty pairs of pants. "No, I not do my poopoo", "well why are you squeezing then honey?". Four more pairs of dirty pants. I've totally lost my cool about having a carefree attitude to potty accidents. I've started to demand he sit on the potty and although I haven't actually told him off, I've made subtle digs and other awful sneaky ways of making him feel like a failure. At least he finally produced.

So, who has some good tips for persuading children to sit on the potty every single time they need to TRY for a poo, even if it's not ready to come out yet? Because I reckon another day of this is going to send me over the edge.

Advice from an old veteran

Two of my best friends (there's a group of six of us from school who are still really close) are pregnant with their first child. Aside being more pregnant than both of them, I've also been there and done it all before... and survived the first two years, just. Thinking about offering them helpful insights and gems of advice has made me reflect a little. So here goes with my top tips for new mums-to-be.

1. The birth is the easy bit

I think many people spend pregnancy worrying mainly about getting a huge baby out through a relatively small hole. Of course, they do also worry about how they will cope afterwards, but I think for most, birth is the most scary part. It's not. It's really not.

2. How to have a good birth

Research beforehand, be that reading, antenatal classes, talking to people, watching TV births, etc., so you understand what is going to happen and know what your options and preferences are. Then, stay calm and in control.

3. Be strict with early-day visitors

If someone turns up uninvited, don't let them in. If you've already made certain decisions about how you're going to raise your baby, don't let things slip just cause you've got visitors. Ask for help, get people doing your shopping, cooking for you and cleaning the house. Tell them they can have a short cuddle before handing baby over, otherwise, 2 hours later, you'll be screaming inside to have your baby back in YOUR arms, willing it to be ready for a feed so the visitor says "I think (s)he needs mummy".

4. Don't buy everything you see

We still had things to buy when Felix turned up 6 weeks early. It was a blessing in disguise shopping wise, as we ended up ONLY buying what we needed. We could have wasted a lot of money on things that marketing people tell you a new baby needs.

5. Stick at the breastfeeding - for selfish reasons if nothing else

There is no better way to lose your baby belly and it's so much easier than carrying around bottles and sterilising stuff and boiling water and separate milk powder. But remember, it is tough to begin with. You've never done it before and the baby's never done it before either. Ask for help straight away if you're struggling as the longer you leave it the more difficult it will become. The best nipple cream in the world is breastmilk. After each feed, squeeze a little more out, rub in and leave to air dry. Easier to do this when no-one's around!!

6. Set good habits early

It's easier to take a dummy away from a 6 month old than a 1 year old. It's easier to take away a dummy from a 1 year old than an 18 month old. As hard as it seems to teach them to sleep on their own, it's easier to do it early. But... give yourself a break. You have to take the easy option sometimes. Don't punish yourself when you do, just get the good habits back on track as soon as you feel up to it.

7. Make friends with people with children the same age

One of the girls (who lives locally) is due to give birth about 4 months after me. So we'll both have babies at the same time. But 4 months in baby terms is massive. You need to have other mums to chat to who are going through the SAME things as you at the SAME time. For sympathy, understanding, advice and for comparing (in a positive way!).

8. Let your partner work things out for himself

As a mother, you tend to be the main carer for your newborn. You learn the best way to do things and when there's a small, helpless child screaming its lungs out, it's tooooo tempting to shove the father out of the way and do it yourself. But he has to learn the same way you have learned, by trial and error. Not just by being told by you what works and what doesn't. Sometimes, you have to walk away and leave them to figure it out.

9. Walk away

Talking about walking away, when the crying won't stop and you're losing your patience, put the child down somewhere safe, walk away and don't return until you are calm. Crying isn't going to harm the child. Your anger might.

10. Enjoy every minute of it

At the end of a tough day, try to smile about the positives. As cliche as it is, they do grow up quickly and you'll never get back the days of them being totally helpless and being cuddled as and when YOU choose! One day, they'll be off to school and then, leaving home. Eeek!

I really hope that my friends will come to me for help. I tried to be open with them when I did it all for the first time and not just pretend that everything was rosy all the time. Without having experienced it themselves, I suspect sometimes they just thought I was being a moaner, but it's really important to get it off your chest and not bottle it up. Being a parent is tough. But it's also the best thing in the world.