I wish I was pregnant

We are finally beginning to make some progress with the whole sleep thing. I feel human enough to do something with my time other than mope about, even if my past two attempts at an early night (as sleeping from 8pm-1am would mean a WHOLE FIVE HOURS sleep in one go!!!) haven't exactly resulted in more sleep. Stupid brain won't switch off.

For those others of you, desperately searching for the answer to that baby-nighttime-sleep problem, it's simple. Go on a holiday in the UK that involves a loooong drive. Baby sleeps in car, baby has proper daytime sleep, ergo baby sleeps at night. Oh, and a big cot is helpful for a baby who can roll so they can sleep in whatEVER position they choose.

In the meantime, I got to thinking about how NOT being pregnant anymore really sucks. Don't get me wrong, I do NOT want another baby (not right now anyway thanks), but there are elements of pregnancy that make life sooo much easier...

Like my hair not falling out - I swear, I emptied a FULL fistful of hair into the bin after my shower this morning. It was disgusting. And think how much I must have missed in the past month which is now currently residing in the plughole, soon to completely block up the bath!

And what's with my hair getting all greasy? During pregnancy I could easily skip the shampoo for one day. Now, it's like I have a big sign on my forehead and a siren screeching "not washed, not washed".

Breastfeeding is commonly known as ample excuse to continue "eating for two" long after the birth of your child... but I have to say I've noticed the weight gain and have concluded that it is time to stop that fourth meal of the day when Felix has his tea. Eating his leftovers is ok though, right?

Not carrying round a big old bump means you lose a lot of people's sympathy too. No-one offers to carry things anymore or make me drinks. I'm not expected to need to sleep at any given opportunity or need help around the house. But the truth is, your body doesn't return to normal (what is normal?) that quickly, and whether it's first, second or (I'm sure) subsequent child, it's a shock to the system that takes more than a couple of months to adjust to. It's a whole new life again.

And the best thing about being pregnant... no periods OR contraception. I'm very happy to still be period-free (oh breastfeeding - you ARE my friend), but did not enjoy having a doctor messing around inside me again, even if it does mean I can now forget about contraception for five years. Next time, it's the male pill. Let's see how he likes it.

I need sleeeeep...

We all know that babies wake up in the night and mothers get little sleep in the early days. What we do not know, is how long this will go on for before the baby starts managing longer breaks between feeds.

I had never contemplated that at 4 months old, Elliot would still be awake every 4 hours throughout the night given that his brother was sleeping from 7pm until at least 5am if not later by the same age.

So here, is a quick top 5 reasons why it is obvious that I am sleep deprived.

1. I keep forgetting to do up my flies. Luckily, we spend much of our time at home so no-one except me notices.

2. We went on a rare night out on Saturday. After one glass of bubbly, I was completely incoherent. Mostly as a result of not being able to remember any marginally intelligent vocabulary. This happens a lot. Without the alcohol.

3. Nothing, and I do mean nothing, gets done. Paul gets home from work to find wet washing has been sitting in the machine all day, breakfast, lunch and Felix's dinner things are strewn across the kitchen. And as for work/health/social arrangements, the list of pending jobs is just huge.

4. My food intake has increased, even beyond pregnancy levels! I've noticed an increase in tummy size, not just left over jelly belly flab, but a firmer, food related roundness. But when I tried to cut down on my snacking last week, I had an obvious energy lull which was only remedied by the intake of a hot cross bun.

5. I can no longer remember if the previous night was a good or bad one. I start the conversation with "For example, last night, he fed at..." and then I tail off in a mumble along the lines of "I can't even bloody remember what happened at 4am, but when I woke up, he was in bed with me".

One day, yes, one day, I shall get some sleep and then my life will start to become normal again. Whatever normal is with two children.

Silent Sunday - 10 April 2011

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