The 29 Year Old Virgin

Having sex for the first time after giving birth is a little like losing one’s virginity all over again. How will it feel? Has my body returned to normal? Will my jelly belly put him (or me) off? And the longer you go on NOT having sex, the more of a big deal it becomes. The more you just want to get it over and done with.

Well, I’m there. I want to get it over and done with. I’m not expecting it to be a pleasant affair - that’s no reflection on my husband’s performance, more a suggestion of what my mental state will be by the time we actually get down to business. But I know once that first time is over and done with, I’ll be able to relax and enjoy it once more.

You may wonder why it’s taken us so long. I didn’t wait so long after my first child. Oh no. The medical profession recommend that you abstain until your post-natal six week check up. Well, we didn’t. I think it was about four weeks. As soon as I felt my stitches had fully healed and the mood took me whilst the baby was sleeping.

It’s a little more difficult with TWO children. Night-time is pretty much a no go as due to waking every 3 hours or more through the night for the past 8 weeks, I’m pretty shattered by the time bedtime rolls around. Earlier evening, once the toddler has gone to bed maybe. Well if the baby had a predictable bedtime and evening sleep pattern by now then this might be a possibility - if I was also organised enough to have dinner ready and eaten before toddler’s bedtime. Let’s face it, dinner will always take priority over sex. FACT.

What about daytime then before all my energy has seeped away. Well, that’s the main problem. There’s a child around. And due to Christmas, then visitors, then toddler illness, then my illness... and I think that brings us bang up to date.

So here I am, getting more and more apprehensive about it, building up the event in my mind until I’m almost going to be too scared to actually do it. And I can’t even do what many older virgins do and get plastered. Stupid breastfeeding rules.

Post-natal Treats

A little while ago I blogged about the things I was looking forward to post-birth. I forgot a couple of minor points.

Number 5 on the list, I was sceptical about. I mentioned that I was looking forward to a good night's sleep... but of course it wasn't likely to happen with a newborn baby in the room. Thankfully, I had at least one good night's sleep in the week leading up to the birth... so I guess that's going to have to last me for a while.

What I had specifically forgotten is that there's a tendency to sleep a little lighter with a baby in the room. I'm always conscious of keeping one ear on alert. And as this baby has been particularly keen on sleeping in mummy's arms, there have been a few nights of having to remain conscious enough not to move in my sleep. Which resulted in some early day serious sleep deprivation.

The other, arguably worse, point that I was completely foolish to forget was number 6. I was looking forward to cuddling the toddler without worrying about him kicking me in the bump. Well, as worrying as that was, it wasn't anywhere near as painful as him giving me a good squeeze around the chest now. My poor swollen bosom.

It's not just at cuddle time that I have to fear for my mammories, he likes to kiss his little brother often and has a tendency to 'lean' on mummy in order to reach. OUCH!

As for the rest of the list though, I can happily say I have completed every item on it and most enjoyed the boiled egg, brie and grape baguette and the laying flat on my back. It certainly helps with the chronic shoulder ache!

Baby Blues

So many posts to write and so little time...

I had the baby. Did you notice? I was on twitter (@InceyWinceyMum) from waters breaking on Friday evening until I was rushed onto the labour ward at 6.15pm on Saturday 4th December. Elliot was born just 45 minutes later and InceyDaddy had taken a photo and posted it for me 5 minutes later.

But we'll cover the birth story later. If I don't talk about the here and now, NOW, I'll miss out on it entirely. And there is SO much going on here and now as anyone who's ever been a new parent will understand.

Well the 4th day baby blues really kicked in yesterday. I think I got them on day 3 last time. But I was also forced to plug myself into a breast pump 8 times a day from the day after Felix was born, so maybe my milk came in sooner.

I could tell my milk was beginning to come in on Tuesday evening and on Wednesday morning, after another night of very little sleep, I just lay in bed crying. I wanted to stay there all day, try to sleep and cry some more. I was getting ready to give up. I just needed to sleep and then I knew everything would be better, but when breastfeeding, you can't just walk away from the baby for a few hours. Although I was beginning to consider the alternatives so that I could have those precious few hours to recuperate.

You see, the last time I slept properly was a week ago. Then, I spent a night in labour, a night on a labour ward with a new baby who slept, but other people's babies keeping me awake, then it was Elliot's turn to keep me up. And as he doesn't seem to be able to settle in his own bed (only at night, he's fine in the day), he's been in bed with me every night since. You just don't sleep the same when you have the responsibility of keeping a tiny baby safe in your arms. Deep sleep just doesn't happen.

He was still in bed with me last night, but I did finally sleep a little better. Maybe the tiredness got the better of me.

Therefore, even if the 'baby blues' wasn't a given part of having a new baby, I think I'd have been feeling pretty low yesterday.

On top of the lack of sleep, I also have this horrendous pain in my shoulder. I completely forgot about this for a few days (probably due to the quantity of pain relief I was taking) but my shoulder hurt before I went into labour. No idea what I might have done to it but it is, of course, getting much worse now I'm carrying a baby around and tensing up all the time! Even yawning makes it hurt.

And I miss my toddler. Now I'm back home and I'm with him, I still miss him. I miss him being the centre of my world. He seems to have reciprocated my lack of attention which means it's even more difficult for me to spend time with him when I'm available. At least he seems to adore his little brother.

This morning's little outburst of tears was the polar opposite... I lay in bed with my new baby in my arms and my toddler cuddled in next to me and I started blubbing because I'm so fortunate. I have two amazing little boys who I love very much.

I guess I shall just succumb to the emotional roller coaster of the next few days and look forward to everything settling down soon.