The 29 Year Old Virgin

Having sex for the first time after giving birth is a little like losing one’s virginity all over again. How will it feel? Has my body returned to normal? Will my jelly belly put him (or me) off? And the longer you go on NOT having sex, the more of a big deal it becomes. The more you just want to get it over and done with.

Well, I’m there. I want to get it over and done with. I’m not expecting it to be a pleasant affair - that’s no reflection on my husband’s performance, more a suggestion of what my mental state will be by the time we actually get down to business. But I know once that first time is over and done with, I’ll be able to relax and enjoy it once more.

You may wonder why it’s taken us so long. I didn’t wait so long after my first child. Oh no. The medical profession recommend that you abstain until your post-natal six week check up. Well, we didn’t. I think it was about four weeks. As soon as I felt my stitches had fully healed and the mood took me whilst the baby was sleeping.

It’s a little more difficult with TWO children. Night-time is pretty much a no go as due to waking every 3 hours or more through the night for the past 8 weeks, I’m pretty shattered by the time bedtime rolls around. Earlier evening, once the toddler has gone to bed maybe. Well if the baby had a predictable bedtime and evening sleep pattern by now then this might be a possibility - if I was also organised enough to have dinner ready and eaten before toddler’s bedtime. Let’s face it, dinner will always take priority over sex. FACT.

What about daytime then before all my energy has seeped away. Well, that’s the main problem. There’s a child around. And due to Christmas, then visitors, then toddler illness, then my illness... and I think that brings us bang up to date.

So here I am, getting more and more apprehensive about it, building up the event in my mind until I’m almost going to be too scared to actually do it. And I can’t even do what many older virgins do and get plastered. Stupid breastfeeding rules.