Boys, Boys, Boys

I'm going to keep this short as I don't want to appear too ungrateful but I can't blog about my pregnancy and not even mention my 2nd scan, can I?

So, it would appear (ok, it was rather obvious actually) that I'm having a second little boy.

I've been telling everyone that I don't really have a preference this time, but my reaction tells me I did. I wanted my first so much to be a girl but thought having two boys would be nice for them... but now the pressure is on for the third child to be a girl. I'm not sure I could go on to have a fourth.

At least I don't feel as upset by it as I did first time round (sorry Felix, I wouldn't change you for the world now). Just a bit surprised and a little bit disappointed.

As for the REAL purpose of the 20 week anomaly scan, everything is good and healthy. He has an above average sized tummy (that's from daddy's side of the family, I think you'll find), and a short leg (both of us are shorties) and very cute little feet.

What am I?

I'm finding myself very torn at the moment and it's probably down to being so busy.

I can't remember the last time I did a sensible grocery shop. At most, I've managed to plan one home-made meal for a week and bought the ingredients I need for that... the rest has been pot luck. It's not very me. And I'm definitely missing the home-cooked food. The husband hasn't dared to complain, but I'm sure he's missing it too.

There are other housewifely/mummy things I want to be doing and I just don't seem to have time. I'm not even THAT busy with work. But I know I'm not putting the time and effort needed into my sales business and I still have a PR work assignment hanging over me that I was given mid-June. I don't feel I can make any plans (social or domestic) whilst I have this work still to do. I never get round to doing anything in the evenings either as I just want to go to bed early.

I can't help but think I will have to give something up if I really want to maintain the balance between being a full-time mum and doing a bit of work on the side. As it was only ever meant to be a bit of work. Not a full-on part-time job. But what I would give up, I just don't know.

Maybe when there's a new baby here, that might dictate what work is easier to do and therefore what I should be sensible about and give up. But can I manage another 5 months of pregnancy at this level of being busy? I'm already struggling to fit the sleep in...

My time management sucks, so maybe I just need to pull myself together and start planning my day in military detail. And actually get up in the morning!

Moan over. Back to daydreaming about the housewifely life I'd like to lead.

See you tomorrow x

Although I am both employed and self-employed, I really consider myself to still be a full-time mum, who just happens to do a bit of work on the side. My toddler spends just one day a week in nursery, so the majority of the time, I'm on parent duty.

I think, therefore, and because I am happy to do so, that I can be forgiven for having the occasional bit of time off. The odd night away. It's almost bound to happen as my main group of friends are all still childless (although one is now very happily pregnant - about 4 weeks behind me). I've had a hen do this year, a wedding, a weekend or two away with my (now, award-winning) choir... and in two weeks time I will be having another night away as I'm working at a wedding in Kent and don't want the fear factor of driving down on the morning (imagine their photographer not turning up due to bad traffic!?!).

It doesn't happen that often, and usually I'll see my boy on one day, stay away for the night and see him again the next day. He always stays at home with daddy, so is in perfectly capable hands (although, oddly, injuries always seem to occur whilst I am away) and is more than happy. But I am still worrying about it a little. Not enough to give up my time off. No chance.

This weekend, I left on Friday afternoon and got back in the early hours of Sunday morning. 1.30am to be precise. I think it was the first time ever, I'd not seen Felix for a whole day. I missed him. But I was also having fun and knew I'd be back with him soon enough.

He woke early on Saturday, didn't go to sleep well that night, and woke early on Sunday morning too (although the silver lining to this is that I got to see him sooner than expected and share a quick cuddle, before I crept back into bed and wallowed there for the rest of the morning). I've been a bit worried that his lack of sleeping may have been because he was worried that mummy had gone and might not come back.

There is no evidence that he felt like this and he's been sleeping badly for a few weeks, although not really waking early. I just feel a little pang of guilt and a little bit of worry that my absence might confuse him. With another full day without seeing him coming up at the end of the month, I'm wondering if I should try not to have anymore full days away for some time.

I am probably worrying unnecessarily, as always.